Living with both autism and ADHD (often called AuDHD1) feels like an internal battle between two opposing forces. Autism craves structure, predictability, and routine. ADHD thrives on novelty, spontaneity, and change. When you have both, it can feel like your brain is constantly at war with itself.
The Need for Structure vs. The Need for Chaos
Autistic traits push for routine2. There’s comfort in knowing what’s coming next, in having a schedule, in repeating familiar activities. It reduces anxiety, makes the world feel more manageable, and provides a sense of control.
ADHD, on the other hand, rebels against sameness. It craves new experiences, thrives on urgency, and gets bored easily. Too much routine can feel suffocating, leading to procrastination or impulsive decisions just to shake things up.
So, what happens when both forces exist in one brain?
The AuDHD Experience
1. Starting a Routine but Never Sticking to It
You might create the perfect schedule—color-coded, detailed, and optimized for efficiency—only to abandon it a few days later3 because your ADHD brain gets bored or distracted. But without a routine, your autistic side feels lost and overwhelmed.
2. Craving Change but Struggling to Adapt
You might desperately want to switch things up, try something new, or take a spontaneous trip. But when the plan actually changes, your autistic side panics, making it hard to enjoy the novelty you thought you wanted.
3. Executive Dysfunction x Sensory Overload
ADHD makes it hard to start tasks, stay focused, or finish things. Autism can make certain tasks feel overwhelming because of sensory sensitivity or the mental load of change. Together, they create a cycle where you can’t start because it feels too much, but you also can’t ignore it because it disrupts your sense of order.
Finding Balance
Navigating AuDHD means finding ways to satisfy both parts of your brain:
• Flexible Structure: Instead of rigid routines, try creating general frameworks. Have a set morning routine, but allow for flexibility in how you complete it.
• Novelty with Stability: Rotate between different interests or tasks to keep things fresh while maintaining some consistency.
• External Accountability: Since motivation fluctuates, external reminders (timers, apps, body-doubling, or accountability partners) can help bridge the gap.
• Self-Compassion: Accept that some days, structure will win, and other days, chaos will take over. Instead of fighting it, work with it.
At the end of the day, living with AuDHD isn’t about eliminating the contradiction—it’s about learning to balance both sides so you can function in a way that works for you.